I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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