I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
