I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
