Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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