You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
