you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
