it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
