so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
