TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
