Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bring money and cleavage
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
