Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
