brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
