Don't you send me to vm
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
