Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
