Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
her vagine was all disorganized.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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