kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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