I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
