So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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