i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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