Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
