TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
