So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
a search helicopter?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
