so that wasnt chicken after all
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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