White coat. Heels.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
organizing the empties. That sober.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
