I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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