You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
