We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
