It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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