Non-Jews are for practice
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
