Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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