aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
