I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize