You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
