The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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