Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
