FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
