I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize