no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
