Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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