I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
