watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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