Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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