does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
