sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
