She said her name was "party"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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