Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can I color on your dick again?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
