Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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