Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
