the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
