Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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