So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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