i need an iv and a liver transplant
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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