Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
