Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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