Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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