wakey wakey hands off snakey
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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