I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
