just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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