I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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