You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
