i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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