chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
