No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
