Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize