I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
