No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
